Bah Humbug! or Fear & Loathing On Santa Claus Lane

I'm sorry, but I've HAD it with this buying frenzy I see all around me. Is THIS what Chanukah will become? God, I hope NOT. Already, in cities like NYC it's starting to happen. I saw the very beginnings of it back in the late 70's, when I still lived there. You know, those huge plastic menorahs next to the Christmas trees in the store windows? So far, we haven't caught up to our frenetic and frazzled Christian neighbors, but not from lack of trying. Retailers are moaning that they haven't had a "record season" this year, and that it means THE END. Nonsense. Still, I'm sooo glad I'm not a Christian, or married to one. Pity the poor Jews, Muslims, Buddhists who ARE married to Christian spouses, and who must slog along as their loved ones dash madly from store to store, buying all kinds of stupid gifts nobody really wants but everybody must have. Why? Because it's EXPECTED, they'll say. Heaven forfend someone might not get SOME idiotic "stocking-stuffer", or the world will come to an end! Sure, right, and I think I'll just hide somewhere till all this idiocy is over.
The sweet story of "no room at the inn" has been bastardized into a gift-giving extravaganza that passes all commonsense. Okay, so HE was poor, yet why do people with loads of stuff they'll never use and won't need stuff themselves with MORE junk? Why not give to the POOR instead? After all, are your kids REALLY going to appreciate all those things you squandered your precious time and money getting? Yeah, for maybe the first five minutes. After that, they'll get bored, and about ten minutes after THAT it'll get broken, or they won't like it and you'll have to return it on the 26th. Was it Wilder who said "Nothing succeeds like excess"? Well, folks, it DOESN'T, not when a wonderful holiday is turned into a "gimmee" slash-&-rip exhibition. All you're teaching your kids is how to be greedy, and that they're ENTITLED to whatever they covet---no matter HOW outrageous or expensive. Is THAT the meaning of your religion? And do you actually ENJOY the holiday? Fat chance, after all that running around! I go to the mall just to watch you scramble insanely through store after store, and I thank God I'm a Jew, because Chanukah is NOT our major holiday and the rabbis always discouraged excess. I feel sorry for you, too---yanking behind you a screaming toddler who needs a nap while, wild-eyed, you stumble blindly on, oblivious to the purse you just left behind on that bench. I've seen women sobbing hysterically, still yanking the same screaming toddler along, when they suddenly realize they've lost all their money and credit cards, and can't remember where. This isn't necessary. And yet it goes on, year after year. One thing we Jews have learned is that NO holiday is, has, or ever WILL be "perfect". Then again, we have enough of them that, should one turn out rotten, there's always hope for the next, and we don't have to wait a whole YEAR for another one, either.
You know, there ARE more holidays in the Christian religion, and not just Easter. Take a look at an old English calendar, for instance, or ANY old European calendar, for that matter. It's NOT the end if Christmas goes awry, believe me. You've just been brainwashed, that's all. Stop, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Now repeat after me: "NObody's perfect, and I have a RIGHT to relax, dammit!" Feel better? Good, now go and enjoy yourself, sloooowly. And don't forget to thank God for all you have, too. Be well.

Uncle Bill

I have been informed that I'm "too obsessed with" politics, and I suppose I am. It's just that, having lived through Watergate, Whitewater-gate, Lewinsky-gate, and Dubya-gate (I'm STILL hoping we'll impeach him), I tend to be rather under-whelmed with politicians---especially Republicans. This is to show all of you that I'm not biased, and I wish Clinton had kept his pants ZIPPED so we wouldn't have to be going through all this "God is my co-pilot" nonsense from the Right at the moment. I have nothing against Dubya believing in God, mind you, but when I hear pronouncements such as "I believe God wants me to be president", it kind of reminds me of similar delusionary beliefs whose "originators" came to learn weren't true---the hard way (remember Joan of Arc?).
Having said that, I promise to keep my rants to a minimum from now on (although I'll still include satiric photos of these bozos), so we can all enjoy eachother's blogs without feeling harangued (too much). It's Chanukah, after all, when we Jews can escape the insanity of THE SEASON for eight short days, and we NEED a time-out from "reality" (especially in Ohio, where the recount runs on like a bad sitcom) before Dubya announces the SECOND COMING at his inaugeration next month (look for a bearded, long-haired guy in sandals and a toga, and watch as the cops arrest him as an Al Qaida opperative). In this era of Homeland Security, any "messiah" had better come dressed in a three-piece business suit, or else. I'm JOKING, okay?
At any rate, let's all stop screaming at one another and realize the world WON'T end if every Liberal isn't silenced. And those on the LEFT should stop crying like babies, too. Remember the story of the Maccabees? So they DIDN'T really "do it all" in eight days, so what? They kept plugging away, hitting the enemy's weak spots, and finally won. Thank God, Republicans are NOT "the enemy", we can agree to disagree, and still have a Congress that works (at least MOST of the time). America is still a great country, for all our faults and shortcomings, and I'm certainly not moving to Canada any time soon, if ever. Just wanted to let you know that, however deeply I may distrust Republicans, I don't hate them. They're poor, misguided souls, but I'm confident they'll learn fast. Nothing changes so drastically as politics; a generation ago, we rebelled against "fascist" parents, and here our kids are rebelling against us "commie-pinko ex-hippies"! The world turns, folks. As they say "Man tracht und Gott lacht". Man plans and God laughs.
And on that note....it's time to bentschlicht. Shabbat Shalom and Chanukah Sameach!

HAPPY CHANUKAH!

No ranting today. This photo comes from StockxChange, a free photo-hosting site where some very talented photographers post, and MOST of them allow anyone to download their photos with little or no restrictions on use. The photographer's name is Al-ex (I hope I spelled it right), who has posted many fine images concerning Isreal and Jewish life there, and I urge you to check out his stuff, plus all the others---because these images are NOT snapped casually, but done quite professionally, and are usually high resolution to boot! I THINK the url is http://sxc.hu, but I'm not absolutely sure. If you google it you'll have no trouble. Now I MUST get over there myself to tell Al-ex how I used his photo, as it's only right. Be well and enjoy the holiday!