Maybe God DOES "Protect Drunkards, Fools, And The USA"?

I know. It sounds preposterous, but considering all the blunders and just plain stupid foreign policy decisions of late, you gotta wonder sometimes. Certainly Dubya qualifies on all three counts! Who knows? Maybe there is a compassionate, caring God out there somewhere---or else one who has a sense of humor, at least.
How do we always manage to squeak by? Is it because, no matter how bad we blunder, we honestly do try to do what's right? Or is it that our blunders are sooo calamitous that Somebody "up there" has to "save" us in order to keep the whole universe from self-destructing? For some reason, I tend to think it's the latter. Not that I'm ungrateful, mind you; it's nice to know we can go pretty far before the Powers That Be abandon us to our folly. Of course, that's little consolation for the rest of the world, who have to somehow survive our attempts at "improving" things. As Louis B Mayer of MGM was wont to say, when confronted by needlessly "ingenious" movie scripts: "You've improved it worse!" We can at least all be thankful none of the horrible "what-ifs" (well, maybe some of them, but not the worst) have yet come to pass---despite Dubya's penchant for "improving it worse". And I suppose a God who doesn't have television "up there" must need to watch us for "entertainment". Let's hope He doesn't "do" Nielson Ratings...

It's The "Hell-a-day" Season...

Never fails---crack of dawn that day after Thanksgiving and "tent cities" miraculously appear around Wal-Mart, sometimes stretching for miles as crazed shoppers battle to be first to get their greedy paws on this years "must-have" toy. Normally mild-mannered, friendly neighbors become raging fiends when those doors open at 4a.m., and woe to the hapless store employee who gets in their way! Teeth bared, claws unsheathed, these "holiday" shoppers are ready to kill for those famously-advertised limited quantities ("only six Playstations per store..."), while all the while those caroles grind out endlessly from the loud-speakers....
Good Will Toward Men? Fuhgehdaboudit! No time to help that little old lady who somehow got caught on your cart as you plowed your way through the mad hordes; hey, it's kill or be killed during the shopping season, y'know. She would have most likely driven her wheelchair into you if things had been the other way around, right?
Besides, why the hell do these old cripples always insist on getting ahead of normal people? Don't they know only the strong survive holiday mega-sales? Hell, if they want their grandkids to get this stuff, let'em get on the parents to do it. No red-blooded American parent would allow their little Johnny or Susy to go without that hideously over-priced, sweat-shop-produced (by little hard-working Juanitos y Susitas overseas) flimsy contraption all the poor kids on your blockhave been crying about since September. You care enough to fight for your kids rights to have everything, whether or not they need it---so why don't those? Damn peace-protesters, probably; too busy bawling over filthy kid-terrorists in Iraq to care for their own, naturally. What's this country coming to, I ask you?
Christmas shopping is an American tradition, for cryin out loud! Just like turkey, and the Pilgrims and Indians sitting down to table on the first Thanksgiving... What? You say they didn't celebrate that way? The Pilgrims actually stole the food from the Indians, then let 'em all starve? Well, that's the American Way. Survival of the Fittest and all that. We work hard for what we get, so we're entitled to it. The rest of the world complains----tough! God's on our side....
And so it goes, folks. Have yourself a greedy little Christmas/Chanukah, and don't forget to give thanks to that Almighty Dollar, either. Did someone just say mammon?

Whoops! Sorry, Nancy...

I don't know why I thought Pelosi's first name was Barbara. Stupid of me, really. After all, I'M always complaining about Fox, but THEY at least got her name right! My bad.
At any rate, Murtha lost, so she backed down on her demands somewhat, but for how long ? Hopefully the Dems will get more moderates, and also the GOP. Iraq is almost hopeless, and Bush is STILL threatening Iran. Sigh. One problem at a time, fellas. Remember even WE didn't fight WWII on both fronts at once, and that's when we had the draft, too. If Vietnam taught us anything, it was you CAN'T keep on fighting all over the place---securing Hamburger Hill one day only to abandon it the next, then come back next week and have to fight over it all over again. Of course, politicians NEVER seem to listen to generals. Yes, MacArthur WAS right about Korea, but so was Truman...
Who's right about Iran is a moot point, though. Once a country has nuclear reactors, how do you prevent them from making plutonium? And the more we sit and threaten, the more time Iran has to develop WMD. Do we simply "cut and run" from Iraq to invade Iran? That's what we did in Afghanistan---after declaring we'd "won", naturally. Guess who's back in Kabul. Right, the Taliban we supposedly "defeated". "Mission Accomplished" and all that...
I figure by the time Bush's reign is up, he'll have made the whole Middle East "safe for facism". We certainly haven't made it safe for DEMOCRACY, now have we? Who taught Dubya history? Are we Rome, that we can spread "democracy" and "freedom" by force? Then how come it was always wrong when the SOVIETS "liberated" other countries? Wasn't the fact that they were over-extending themselves militarily one of the reasons the Soviet Union finally collapsed? Oh yeah, and don't forget Ronald Reagan, too. Sure, he yelled "Mr. Gorbachov, tear down this wall!", and just like Jericho...
So, we have a respite (of sorts) before January's "changing of the guard", I guess. Except for those @#$% phone calls from the pollsters about who'll we'll vote for in '08---the ones where the stupid machine disconnects after you pick up the receiver. Oh well, have a nice day...

Our Elected Offi----uhh...

This photo kinda reminds me of Dubya and Barb "Wire" Pelosi working "together". Like the time he "playfully" rubbed the German ambassador's shoulders, scared the hell out of the poor woman, and just smirked like a drunken Frat-Boy. Okay, so we kicked out the GOP. Great, except that now the Dems are playing Monkey-See, Monkey-Do. With all the problems we have in Iraq (and possibly Iran soon), all THEY want to do is "pay-backs". And Pelosi has gone nuts, of course, in her glee at finally getting to BE the official "mouthpiece" of the House, God help us! Where are the ADULTS? Are we Boomers going to continue acting like spoiled children until this country finally IMPLODES, God forbid?!
I can't even accuse Fox of making this stuff up, either, because even THEY wouldn't be able to make up something this dumb. And all I wanted was for NEITHER party to get control---so they'd be FORCED to work together, for once. Sure I'd like to see Dubya impeached, but not if we'd just get Cheney. Worse, if BOTH were impeached we'd be stuck with MotorMouth Pelosi, yet.
Does she really believe she'll get AWAY with nominating Alcee Hastings? (I hope I spelled the name right. Where do politicians GET such weird names anyhow?) For a supposedly smart lady, she seems to be lacking a few screws. And Murtha, getting caught on TAPE saying he might just consider a bribe later on! Yeah, so it was almost 30 years ago. Big deal. He's screaming about being "Swift-Boated", but I'd LIKE to see a "swift boat" come take him away, too.
I guess the Dems don't think anybody notices their blunders. Like Clinton with Monica...

A Republic---IF You Can Keep It...

Can we? For how long? Or don't we care anymore? Tomorrow's turnout might answer that---if enough of us turn out, that is. Hell, tomorrow's vote might be our last as well---in a free election, maybe.

Sure, the voting












machines could be "fixed". Then again, who's to know for sure? Look at the last two fiascoes; you really think "they" are going to admit it? So you decide to stay home and whine about how both parties are corrupt, how your little vote couldn't matter one way or the other. Well, kiss the republic goodbye, then. Time to start loving Big Brother, I guess. Sigh.
Has it come to this? Is America nothing more than a nation of super-sized couch-potatoes, popping Prozac and nodding blissfully along to Bill O'Reilly's self-righteous rants, to Neil Cavuto's "happy-talk" Caust Of Freedom propaganda, conserva-bitch whatsername's daily blather on Osama bin Liberals? Puh-leeez! We can't be all brain-dead. I can sometimes agree with Bill, but Neil Ca-baby-face and that bottle-blonde motormouth? FOX used to be a real news channel, but sometimes I think I'm watching a bad imitation of Penn and Teller. At least the latter are intentionally absurd. I'm even beginning to miss G. Gordon Liddy, chas v'sholem! Give me the "Rotting Corpse Of Richard Nixon", at this point (check out the site. It's a hoot).
"...If you can keep it...", said Benjamin Franklin to a neighbor back in 1776, and he was a realist. He expected the Constitution would eventually fail, as every one before it had. What he did not expect, I think, was that the Constitution would simply become a "God-damned piece of paper" to a supposedly conservative "Republican" president! And a "compassionate" one, too. Don't forget the Republican's compassion, of course. Then there's the wonderful Democrats, so fierce for freedom they'll vote any way to stay in Congress. Shame on them all! I say let's vote them all out and start over. We may be electing nothing more than a bunch of new crooks, but we know what we've had. Maybe new crooks will make different mistakes. God knows, the old mistakes can start WWIII any time now.
VOTE, dammit! Sitting home only allows the idiots in Congress to keep on making the same old mistakes. Worse, sitting home means we're finished as a republic; it's that simple. If we're going totalitarian, then let's be honest about it. Otherwise, should this election be contested we might find ourselves looking at another (un)Civil War. Voting is a privilege, not a right. Yes, read the Constitution and see, folks. Women were given the vote in 1920, and another amendment could take it back---same as universal suffrage. After all, if we don't care enough to exercise the few rights we have left (gratis the Patriot Act), then why should Congress not take all of them away?

God Dissents

Wouldn't it be nice to have Bush chastized by a "Higher Authority"? Too bad God doesn't get involved anymore, or maybe he just decided to retire---to another universe! Frankly, if I were God I'd be more than a little ticked off by this Administration's glib insistance that they have his blessing in all things. Then again, he ought to let these smug Republicans know just how he feels, don't you think? With many Evangelicals feeling rather used at the moment, it's disheartening to realize they'll probably vote Republican anyway.
Of course, if you've been reading the news lately it appears no matter how you vote the Republicans will win, even without Kerry's stupid "jokes". Those electronic voting machines can, in some cases, be hacked merely by pushing or pulling on one of the buttons, I've read. No computer knowledge required! Or, as some of the conspiracy nuts are suggesting, the machines have already been pre-programed to flip Democratic choices over to the GOP. In fact, one website I've read actually says why even bother going to vote, since the machines have been rigged!
Well, I say go vote no matter what. Bring whatever photo IDs you need and line up as soon as the polls open, if only to intimidate the terrori---I mean---"Bush Babies" smirking all over the Fox Channel as I speak. Sure, maybe the election has been stolen already, but why make it any easier for the bastards?

HERE I GO AGAIN...

Yes, I'm back into protest-mode (as if you hadn't guessed by now), and I suppose I'll make a fool of myself once again, but what the hell---being officially an "old fart" at 57, soon to be 58 in January---I figure I'm entitled already. After all, what's the point of being an adult if you can't act like an over-grown teenager? Besides, when you get old enough (around 80 or so), it's considered "cute". Like the Red Hat Ladies in their deliberately mis-matched purple outfits, us old hippies can strut our stuff and ENJOY the laughs from the "audience".
I'm serious. Who would consider a bunch of old farts in hippie costume a threat? Even Dubya can't be THAT stupid :=) Then again, I suppose he could. But THINK of it! Protest marches of decrepit old hippies in ill-fitting duds (like that joke about one's youthful "hourglass" figure---the sands having shifted in the meantime...), limping along with crutches, canes, wheelchairs, oxygen mask-ed, the tanks on a wheeled cart trundling behind as we all cackle at the top of our wheezy lungs "Hey, Hey, Dubya, SAY, How Many Kids Didja Kill Today!" (Slightly cribbed from the 60's "Hey, Hey LBJ..." chant of fond remembrance.) I mean, is that genius or what? Don't answer, it's merely a "rhetorical" question, folks.
There'll be ZILLIONS of us pretty soon, if the statistic about one Boomer hitting age 60 every minute is correct. We could have so much fun---"flipping the bird" at political leaders---freely using the F word---farting loudly with every step---some of us finding unexpected "gift-manure" leaking from our Depends Diapers as well---all the way to DC! If that's not prime-time TV, I don't know what else would qualify. We'd be THRICE as disgusting as we were back when, and get away with it. All that "gift-manure" could be collected after the parade and put to good use in people's gardens---or we could THROW the turds at the politicos, like we did in Chicago in 68. Can't you just PICTURE the chaos? Okay, so we'd probably all be dispatched to the glue factory afterward, but we'd have made a wickedly nasty "point". And "brevity IS the soul of wit", as they say. We're gonna probably all be ground up into Soylent Green anyhow, so why "go gently into that" NOT so "good night" (with apologies to Dylen Thomas---I think. I'm not senile enough yet to confuse him with Bob Dylen---although I HAVE forgotten how to spell, it seems...)
Come on, you old hippies/yippies, this might be our finest moment. If not, it'll take at least a WEEK to clean up the street after us...

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN...

This is how I feel about elections, and I'm sure a lot of YOU do as well. Yes, Shifra, there is an election every four years, but all we do is throw out the old crooks for NEW ones. Sigh. Worse, everybody seems to only want to punish the GOP, so those Republicans who AREN'T behind Bush will probably be flushed down the drain with the rest---leaving us with a bunch of career-Dems whose ideas are rather stale. Barak Obama looks good, but you KNOW if he tries to run the Dems will shoot him because they're all so hyped on Hillary. She might be good; I just can't stand her "it's coming to me" attitude. If Condi Rice runs, I'd rather vote for HER, regardless of this Bushwa mess. Or McCain, even. I gotta tell ya, it's hard to be EITHER Republican or Democrat these days! Look at all those candidates switching parties out West...
And it won't help them. Can ANYone honestly believe their shpiel? "I only switched because the GOP is too conservative now" sounds awfully similar to "I'll do ANYthing to be (re) elected". True, some may be telling the truth, except that waiting until the last possible moment to switch gives the appearance of an "avak"", as in "avak loshen hora", for example. To over-simplify,that's when you follow the halacha to the letter in order to be "spiritually" correct, but you know those three people can't keep a secret, either. The "dust of" an aveira, literally. It usually works; however, after all the "dust of" the GOP, I doubt everyone will fall for it.
That's the problem with politics, especially here. God is spelled "Show me the money". Who can afford it? Only those of "independent means", either having money oneself or having wealthy backers. Once elected, lobbies and Big Business (assuming one isn't a crook, which is vanishingly unlikely) will freely lard your "war-chest" so that contenders face almost certain defeat on the advertising level. Assuming one IS a crook then, (barring scandal) one can be elected virtually FOREVER. Besides, it's no secret that congressmen can become almost instant millionaires, what with all those fees for speaking, etc. And don't forget those famous Midnight Pay Raises. Who ELSE has the privilage of deciding their wages? Then there's that idiotic arguement about money equalling free-speech. Gee, I thought ALL our votes counted equally, but now that some of us seem to be MORE equal in proportion to our disposable income, I guess "We, the People" don't really count anymore. Adding in that wonderful 16th Amendment, which defined corporations as "people", too, well, how much DOES it take to have the best Congress money can buy?
Is Diebold a threat? Yes, but not the perfect monster the media implies. It doesn't surprise me in the least that voting machines can be hacked; I lived in NYC for eleven years, after all. With all those "poll volunteers" banging on the side of the machine after three minutes, and yelling "Hurry up", of COURSE all that jiggling would result in votes lost. But why not demand paper ballots? What law says ballots MUST be electronic? Many states have already passed Paper Ballot Only laws. Here in New Hampster, most of us still vote with #2 pencil on paper ballot, behind a red-white-&-Blue curtain tacked onto a flimsy wooden frame. Some towns even HAND-count their ballots, yet. If millions turned out to vote, demanding paper ballots, how easy would it be to fiddle with THAT mess of paper? Well, not counting all those "pregnant" chads, etc....
Okay, there are paper-shredders. I think Ollie North single-handedly gave the shredder companies their best advertising, in fact. And I know that a certain percentage of votes are ALWAYS "disqualified" for one reason or another. Election fraud goes back to the founding of our nation---when George Washington and his opponent both made sure to keep those rum barrels flowing at the polls. Good reason for women not voting then; we DID tend to spoil all the fun for the guys after 1920. Still, the less people who vote make it EASY for voter-fraud, because who CARES nowadays? All "We the People" seem to do is complain that our votes don't count yet, with so few voting, every ONE of those who do vote can count as TEN votes, or more. It's simple math, really.
And if millions turn out? So much the better! The quality of our candidates has seriously dropped since voting fell off recently (no, I don't think it has anything to do with those dropping SAT scores, at least not VERY much). Candidates don't have to work hard for votes, as only the party faithful will turn out, so why should they care about what the REST of us think? A lot of this mess is our fault; we just sat back and let it all happen. Oh sure, we made some noise, but nothing like the protests in the 60s. At this point, Dubya HAS his "Enabling Act". If we don't get off our collective "fat tush" to vote, then we're done. Freedom, as one blog put it, is FAR more than being allowed to download porn and @#$% over the internet. Orwell's 1984 had that; the "proles" were kept in line by having plenty of "free" access to porn, beer, and "pop" music. Sort of the modern equivalent to Rome's "bread and circus" entertainment, except we don't throw Christians to the lions anymore.
Believe me, I WANT to be wrong on this! I'm hoping people will finally "wake-up" after all we've been through. Unfortunately, from what I see thus far it's not gonna happen. Are we so willfully blind as to REFUSE to confront reality? Yes, I'm afraid we are.

See You At Gitmo...

Well, I guess the FBI will be coming for me, now that anyone who criticizes Bush is automatically considered an "enemy combatant". Don't laugh---a citizen who quietly told Cheney that the "policies in Iraq are reprehensible", then walked away, was apprehended by Secret Service (SS?)agents who demanded if he "assaulted the vice-president". Imagine, now mere WORDS are taken as physical attack.
So what's next? All the nasty stuff predicted by PrisonPlanet.Com? You know, those "wacko" conspiracy "nuts" who've been warning all along we'd finally come to this. Remember that movie Rush Limbaugh laughed at, the one where dissenting citizens were placed into concentration camps for being "leftist"? Yeah, I thought you would.
Sorry, folks, but this is no longer America. Bush said the Constitution "was just a goddamned piece of paper", and now it IS just that. Sure, they'll come after the "wacko peace nuts" and loud-mouthed war-protesters first---just like the Gestapo did in Nazi Germany. Remember that? Pastor Neimoller(sic)said it all back then. You know the quote, so I won't bore you by repeating it.
So now we wait. Oh, and that election coming up? Don't hold your breath. My generation was the loudest, tantrum-throwing, freedom-loving, radically political WHINERS ever. We were gonna save the world! And also drug ourselves to the gills during the "revolution". Well, we sure solved all the problems, didn't we. Clinton disgraced all of us with his adolescent behavior, for all his gifts as politition. Have ANY of us grown up, I wonder? We've already got ONE "child left-behind" playing commander-in-chief, already. Yeah, but he sure looked GOOD at Ground Zero, huh. At least Ronald Reagan could ACT.
Is all lost? I hope not, but I don't see any YOUNGER ones yelling in the streets like we did. We have a REASON to yell now, for God's sake. Our tantrums might MEAN something now, if we all weren't so fat and lazy to DO something! Like, maybe, VOTE? Hey, this could be the last election, folks. You don't wanna miss the LAST ONE, do you?
Boy, the sound of silence is really deafening...

Dubya Done "Enabled" Himself, all right...

Ah yes, Germany in 1933! Those heartwarming posters of Hitler and Hindenburgh together, with that endearing caption underneath---"In Your Heart You Know He's Right!" And those Germans sure DID, too. Adolf knew how to "whoop-ass", by golly! Didn't he look damn GOOD at those Nuremburg Rallies, shaking his fist at all those liberal wimps who'd "stabbed Germany in the back"? Oh yeah, HE knew the score. The only way to keep those Commie-Kikes from taking over was to burn the Reichstag and blame it on THEM. Once fair-minded Germans saw who the REAL enemy was, they got patriotic in a hurry. That Enabling Act was a stroke of pure genius, don't y'think? Got that Reichstag eating out of the palm of his hand, he did. With that stupid Weimar Constitution out of the way, Hitler was free to make Germany "uber alles" once again, and just EXTERMINATE all those traitors. Yep, those were the days...

Dayenu Already!

You know the song..."ilu, ilu hotzianu, hotzianu mi-mizrayim, hotzianu mi-mizrayim, Dayenu", etc. If God had only taken us out of Egypt, but hadn't [insert blessing here], it would have been enough. Well, it wasn't.
He's made a LOT of promises He hasn't kept yet. Sure, maybe Elijah's on his way, but he sure hasn't shown up at MY house---not even shikker (drunk, or is the proper Yiddish term "ge-shickt"?) Anyway, I think we ought to stop saying Dayenu and remind Him of why we drink those four (or five, depending on your tradition) cups of wine; namely, that He owes us those blessings we're thanking Him in advance for. Remember, we're really not supposed to have Isreal until Maschiach comes---except he seems to run on Jewish time and we couldn't wait, what with all the exterminations and where to put those Sho'a survivers.
Not that I'm looking forward to Ketz (the end of times)---especially as Christians and Muslims want into the act, God help us---but after two thousand years of Yushka, it might be nice to see the real thing. Of course, with our luck it might be Yushka, yet I'm sure he'll run for the nearest shul when he sees all those other "chosen people" coming toward him! Poor guy, he couldn't even get himself killed, he had to order Judas to betray him. Still, what a show! And none of it's true, naturally. Caiphas might have been Cohen Godol, but he still couldn't hold a trial at night, in his house, nor could he sentence anyone to death. The Romans appointed him as their toady, so who knows if he even had priestly yichus? And Pontius Pilate (obviously the ancestor of the same method), hah! What a make-over he got!
Frankly, if I'd been there, I'd have yelled for Bar-Abbas as well. What kind of Jews have a seder where the leader calls the matzoh his body, and the wine his blood? Nope, history it's not. I can't wait to read this new "gospel of Judas". Finally, we'll hear both sides. Such a coincidence---or is it the Finger of God (guess which one)?
At any rate, while I'm waiting for God to answer (probably by smiting me with lightning for my audacity), I think I'll have some compote. One thing about all that matzoh, it sure stops you up! Moses got it right when he called it the "bread of affliction". It's starting to "afflict" me already. Look what we do for You, God! And do we get any thanks? At least give us a call once and a while. You might have all the time in the world but, y'know, You should've known better (being Omniscient and all that) than to put those trees in Gan Eden, then tell poor Adam not to eat them. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a set-up...

Irshad Manji Has Guts!

Considering she's a Muslim woman who dresses as she pleases and says what she thinks, it's a wonder some imam hasn't put out a fatwa on her. I'm impressed by her courage! And I say "Right on, sister". All of us, Jews and Christians, must stand behind this young woman and express our support for her gutsy petition against the suppression of Muslim women.
Go to her webpage---muslimrefusnik.com---and sign that petition, please! It may help if you identify yourself as Jewish or Christian on the petition, too. For some reason, my browser won't respond when I push the send button, so that's why I'm writing this. I really feel her petition is vitally important, and even if you think the imams will just ignore it, sign it anyway. Enough signatures on that petition might open their eyes a little. They tend to think they speak for God, so let's tell them we think they're wrong! Irshad, thankfully, resides in Canada, grew up there, and argued with her Muslim teachers when they taught hatred for Jews. She must not be abandoned now that she's publically come out for women's rights. I am sooo sick of hearing our so-called leaders talk as though all Muslims are congenital idiots! She deserves our help.
I urge you to visit her website, read her book "The Trouble With Islam", and sign that petition. ASAP!

Bible Code? I Need A Crib Sheet!

We all do, I swear. I mean, what's the use of having all these commentaries when what we need aren't comments but solutions. Think about it----we use cheats playing computer games, so why not use them in real life, where we need the most help?
I know I need them, desperately. It's just our luck that life doesn't come with a user's manual, but the least God could have done was to provide one for the Bible. After all, it's been at least five thousand years and what with all the translations, differences of opinion (not only between Christians, Muslims and Jews, but within each group as well), I feel it's high time God provided some clarification.
Face it, does anyone really know what half the unkosher animals listed in Deuteronomy are? My Soncino one-volume edition of the Pentateuch suggests (suggests, mind you) that the so-called "rock badger" might be something like our modern Hylax, and the "coney" might not be related to our Rabbit at all (apologies to the Easter Bunny and all that). So, what do we have? An "immutable" document? Not likely, for all the protestations of Fundamentalist Christians and Orthodox Jews combined. Of course, we Jews are luckier in that we have Rashi, Rambam, Ramban, Ramalamadingdong, etc. Yet, even with Mishnah and Gemara (Talmud) we have a "user's manual" that seems to have been written more like a crossword puzzle (the NY Times one, naturally, which is the hardest) than a "how to" explanation of what God wants from us!
Is it so much to ask for a little elucidation here? Seems hardly fair to send anyone to gehinnom (hell, except that we believe it only lasts twelve months---and everyone's included) when the rules are so vague. We don't need much, actually, just a few jots and tittles explained.
The idea hit me as I was thrashing about, totally frustrated, playing Myst the other night, and I recalled the many websites offering cheats for it. Of course! Isn't life something like a game? And if religion is sooo important to God that He gave us The Rules, then doesn't He have a responsibility to provide updates? It's been, as I mentioned previously, something like five thousand years, and we haven't had any prophets since Malachi (sorry, Mohamed and Jesus, but this is a Jewish blog, after all). And where is Elijah when we really need him?
Let's all demand this Seder night, when we open the door for our ever-tardy Tishbite, that he take this need for clarification up to God Himself. That's assuming, mind you, that Elijah makes it to our seders. It has come to my attention that lately he's been drinking a bit too much of that wine cup at every seder table---and getting lost on his way back...

Press Not Reporting GOOD About Iraq?

Sure, like when did you see this photo on TV? Or in the major newspapers? Oh, those big, bad Liberals must be lying about all the good this war has done for Iraq! We've given them radiation-poisoning from DU ("depleted" uranium bullets---as if that makes them safe), and a democratic (hah! That'll be the day) government, yada, yada, yada...
THIS photo is what we've given Iraq. This is what happens in war---no matter how "smart" your weapons are, or how good your intentions. There are websites with photos of what DU does to the unborn, and you should check them out before you huff and puff over all this "Bush-bashing" by the so-called "Liberal" media. How many times do you have to hear that these companies are owned by the same people who give you Fox News? And that wonderfully touching moment at last week's Town Meeting, when a woman asked Dubya why the press keeps printing only bad things about this war, and can't the government force these nasty Liberals to tell the truth. Oh, what a heart-warming moment, folks, when Bush said (in all "sincerity") that the press can't be forced to tell the truth.
Yeah, like hell they can't. Sounds to me like a call to patriotic Republicans to demand just that! You just know your elected representatives (always fearful of appearing "soft" on terrorism) will gladly cave in on that (not to mention the fact that elections are coming up). And I include Dems in the spineless category as well. Face it, this is what democracy does. The majority of fools gets the boob of their choice---so why are we soooo shocked that Iraqis fear majority rule? Because the majority just happens to be Shiites, when Sunnis held the reins under the Baathists? Of course, we wouldn't interfere with the majority's choice, now would we? Uh uh, we'd smile and point proudly to the fruits of our labors (and if you believe that, after all the political assassinations we've done since the 1960's, you need serious help)! Iran is next, people, so how could even a twit like Dubya allow Shiites to rule Iraq?
But I'm just an EVIL LIBERAL, I guess, so go ahead and believe all the lies you hear on Rush Limbaugh and Fox. Don't say you weren't warned, though.

A Dubai-ous Business

So, we now know what "Dubya" stands for---Dubai-ya! Never a dull moment with King George, I'll tell you. He's a lame duck who thinks he can still fly, and if he does we're all going to have to keep looking up, because when a bird @#$% over your head... Well, you city-folks know what I mean. And a duck is far bigger than a measly pidgeon.
He's already decided he has the right to do whatever he wants. What used to be called "Implied Powers" are now being titled "Inherent", this from the same party that hates interpreting the Constitution broadly---or so they say. I guess when it's your "Supremes" doing the interpreting it's okay, huh. Of course, it was dear old Ronnie who signed more Executive Orders during his presidency than any previous president (Democrat or Republican). Well, he only did it because he wanted smaller government, supposedly. You can't beat one-man rule for that. Dubai-ya's only taking it to the next logical level, really. Can you blame him? Why, after all, how's a president to do his job when Congress won't jump every time he snaps his fingers! I mean, we're in a war here, one that's likely to go on forever, and you can't wait for a bunch of gobbledeegook-mouthed pin-heads to debate on whether or not something's illegal, right?
Good old King George knows what to do. He's been appointed by God, you know. Why, if those unbelievers in Congress keep on blocking Dubai-ya, they're going to burn in hell. You don't disobey God's annointed, folks. Not if you want to be "raptured" when Geee-suuuz comes back to kick ass. Oh, yeah, just read those LEFT BEHIND books. God just delights in zapping sinners, and you don't want to be there when all those guts go flying as He laughs. Bush knows these are the End Times, people. He's going to do what a man's gotta do, by God. Where is Lee Harvey Oswald when we really need him?

No Child Left Behind,Huh?

Frankly, I can almost believe Dubya was a "a child left behind". Sigh. Maybe Andrew Jackson was semi-literate, but Bush seems downright moronic. Cunning he has, thank God. He knows how to make himself look "presidential", and he knows how to talk tough, at least---except it takes a lot more to lead than simple cunning. I will give him credit for stalling on this deal, though. That, however how smart, was merely cunning, even if he manages to win. In this game winning isn't always everything. If Dubai is allowed to handle our ports, no matter how good a job they do, this deal will have set a terrible precedent. What will be for sale next? Our airline terminals, train and bus stations...? Then what?
Call me an alarmist if you wish, but we already have a president who believes "Commander-In-Chief" means he's in command of Congress, the Supreme Court, and every civilian in this country. He's shown that belief by his actions, if not in words. He's said the Constitution is "nothing but a ...piece of paper." He's joked that he "wouldn't mind a dictatorship---as long as [he is] the dictator". Can we continue to trust this man? I think not. Were it not for 9/11, he never would have been reelected. From the start he was an arrogant fool, stumbling along from day to day, too stubborn to admit he'd made mistakes, and he hasn't changed. It's often said that "Crises Make Great Presidents", but Bush's only "greatness" thus far is his determination to smash his way through every obstacle, regardless of consequences. A Republican he might be, an elephant he's not. Ironically enough, his stubbornness equals that of a mule---the mascot of the Democrats! Maybe Dubya's a Republicrat? Sadly, it makes no difference as to political party, or beliefs, when a person is incompetant. Worse, a person who refuses to admit mistakes only makes more. If the Republicans cave in to this deal (and I don't trust the Dems, either), we'll have established something we've always bragged we never had. Instead of a "government of laws, not men", we'll have made Dubya the "law". At that point, folks, Congress and Supreme Court become mere rubber-stamps for whatever the pres and his advisors have decided. Do we really want that?

More Bushwa

Do I apologize for the language I used yesterday? No way! Today, however, I will restrain myself---only because children might be surfing the web.(Kids, don't use yesterday's language at school, or to your elders. Do as I say, not as I do!) Of course, we've all heard that about a zillion times growing up...
At any rate, Bush sucks (some say he even swallows, too, but we won't go into that for decency's sake), and unless he goes, we're screwed. News reports say the Republicans, in true lemming fashion, are ready to make a compromise in order to prop Dubya up. After all, would you want to admit your leader was hopeless? So, in order not to hurt their chances for reelection (uh huh), Republicans may bend over and allow Fearless Leader to---ahem. (I won't be more explicit, but think "Barney Frank") Vershtain? Okay, kids, you don't have to explain that to your elders, and don't giggle out loud or your teacher will send me nasty emails...
As I said yesterday, Democrats are only happy about this because it might help their chances in '08. One wonders if they wouldn't be somehow resentful should Republicans get the credit for blocking the sale. (Three guesses, and the first two don't count) Meanwhile, "democracy" in Iraq has unravelled, Sunnis, Shias, and Kurds are poised for a very uncivil war (thanks to us), and Iran gains leverage due to the majority of Shia as opposed to Sunni in Iraq. Talk about the @#$% hitting the fan! Worse, the fan's blowing our way. How long before our radical Muslims start rioting? Note the modifier "radical", as I certainly do not advocate tarring all of them with the same brush, so to speak. This whole mess is gratis Dubya and his delusions of messiah-hood, bringing democracy to the world (whether they want it or not!) using armies and WMD. Oh, but it's perfectly fine for us to bomb and pillage, y'know. We're the good guys, right? If Clinton had tried any of Dubya's shenanegans, he'd have been impeached in a New York minute. Sooner, even. And how much you wanna bet Rush will blame all this on Bill?
A good 3/4ths of the world's political problems have been caused by our obsession with being the only Super Power, our quasi-religious belief that God has somehow appointed us as his new "Chosen People", and our irrational tendency toward the "one nation---under God" certainty that promoting public religious (Christian) displays confirms our "godliness". (Pardon me while I puke) When are we going to learn? Before, or after the Apocalypse? That fire coming down from heaven won't be God's wrath, but our own hubris coming back at us. What goes around, comes around...

Impeach The Bastard!

Yes, I mean it! Dubya has obviously never given a damn about "Homeland Security", and his recent tantrum about the Constitution being "just a goddamned piece of paper" is the real George W Bush. How dare this worthless piece of SHIT (and I only use this kind of language when I'm steamed) piously preach to "We, The People" on God and Country while secretly handing America over to a terrorist state. And he actually threatens to veto any resolution prohibiting this outrage. Do we need any more proof that this asshole aims to be a dictator? He thinks being president gives him the right to sell us into virtual slavery. I swear Dubya must have been Judas Iscariot in a former life, because he'll do anything for 30 shekels. I say this because the Christian blood libel sprang from the lie that Judas betrayed Yushka. Judas, the only one of the apostles who (if you look carefully at the paintings) has a "Jewish" nose. And I'll just bet Jews will be blamed if Dubya's little heist fails. You know, all those "Jewish lobbyists" always trying to sell America to Isreal? Oh yes, you should see the kinds of accusations we get on the Web. Don't worry, the Pat Buchanans will come out with both barrels blazing---at us, at any American who dissents. The Republican Noise Machine has made it clear where "patriots" stand on this. They have shown their true colors---blood red. Yes, they'll gladly sell America for blood money, and they probably have way before this, too.
Except for the handful of courageous Rebublicans (forget the Democrats, folks. This is pure politics for them, I hate to say it) protesting bitterly against this treason and vowing to stop it, the rest of Capitol Hill is already licking their chops over the mess of pottage to be gained from the deal. Billions. Yes, that sure is a "mess of pottage", all right. After squandering our taxpayer dollars on pork-barrel legislation and cuts for the rich, after stealing the huge surplus that Clinton left us for God-knows-what, after selling most of our industries to foreign buyers, and after allowing the banks to run up trillions of dollars in bad loans, they figure they can just sell us all if they have to. Anything for money, y'know. That's what "free markets" are all about.
It doesn't bother them a bit that their hands are stained all the way up to the elbows in the blood of the 9/11 victims. Who are we? To them, we're all capital they can liquidate as needed. As long as they and theirs get the loot, Dubya can be a dictator for all they care. They own us, folks---at least, that's what they think.
Why, just listen to Rush bloviating over the nerve of those who disagree with Fearless Leader. How stupid, he says, to throw away the chance to make a profit. After all, it's not like Dubai will own all of America, just six measely little ports. What's New York, Philadelphia, Miami, etc. when we can cash in like this?! Six major ports, that's all. We must be nuts, he thinks. We must be stupid, he implies underhandedly, to doubt the wisdom of God's Annointed. I'm sure he agrees that the Patriot Act should be forever, since "We, the People" can't be trusted to know what's good for us.
Well, I've had it. If we don't impeach this son-of-a-bitch (and make no mistake, Barbara Bush is a bitch), we'll have only ourselves to blame when the Constitution is flushed down the White House toilet. Come the next 9/11 (conveniently right before the national elections, perhaps?), Dubya will think he's God Almighty (if he doesn't already, that is), and it'll be the final nail in democracy's coffin, kinenahora. Yes "kinenahora", because I pray I'm wrong about the demise of America. Nevertheless, if this under-the-table deal isn't "high crimes and misdemeanors", it damn well should be. Depose "King George IV" now, before the fucker crowns himself.

Is THIS Face "Un-American"?

Of course not! But, according to many right-wing "patriots" (too many to list here), and their equally pin-headed left-wing "humanitarian" (AKA: Isreal is the real reason for Palestinian woes, ad nauseum) wackos, Jews are somehow collectively guilty of whatever it is that doesn't seem to make sense to them. To the right-wing religious nuts, Jews are "wicked" for rejecting Christ (and, please, spare me all that tripe about Christianity being "the religion of love", because I've been there), so countless Christian dimbulbs thrill to the leaden prose of LEFT BEHIND, which leaves no stomach unturned in its zestful descriptions of the END TIMES. I won't assault your sensibilities by repeating some of the literary- religio-porn splashed all over the series pages like aborted fetuses (oh yes, there's at least one Christian Fundy website that offers images of, among other things, the Pope holding a "Last Supper" with said fetuses as the main dish. Yum!). On a later date, I'll try to list a few of these "Four-Square Gospel" and related leftist hate sites here, but I may run out of space even so. Yes, sadly, there are that many.
As always, these pernicious politico-fascist fetishists fasten onto the historically simple, yet factually far-out solution of Jews being the cause of all their problems. And what, pray tell, is their proof? Why, THE PROTOCALS, naturally. Y'see, they say gleefully, it's gotta be true 'cuz it's the minutes of an actual meeting of those 33 nasty rabbis that secretly rule the world! Sure, and I'm the Anti-Christ, too. But, hard as we may laugh at this stupidity, it's here, has been here for God-knows-how-long, and isn't going away. Not today, not tomorrow, not next year. Because, notwithstanding the falsity of its claims, this belief in Jewish world-control is easy to understand, simple in operation (after all, didn't Charles Dickens himself have an unnamed Jewish rag-picker in league with Fagin? Of course Jews all know each other, right?), and virtually unassailable in its "us against them" logic. Try convincing a believer that all those obviously "Jewish" names at the head of major corporations aren't up to no good. So how'd they all get there? Your run-of-the-rut bigot will demand. Not that he's asking. He knows the answer: Jews only help other Jews, he'll retort. Shake your head in disbelief at him and he'll produce---drum roll---a copy of THE PROTOCALS, or some other screed downloaded from the rabid-right-wing/loonytoon-left conspiracy sites. Hopeless, me thinks.
I believe Umberto Eco, in his THE NAME OF THE ROSE, gave about the best answer as to why these people insist on seeing a mere 3% (it may be slightly higher) of the world's population to blame for almost everything. He places, in the mouth of an illiterate peasant, the sublimly simple sentence that haunts me as I write this: "When your enemies are powerful, you have to chose weaker ones", he states unself-consciously (I am not quoting verbatim, of course). There, you have it---choose an enemy that (preferably) can't fight back. For all we have Isreal, we Jews still stand mostly out-numbered and out-gunned, even here in America. It was thus when we arrived on these shores penniless and pulled ourselves up by our own bootstraps, as it were. Jews were never poor, many Christians believe (including my sister and brother-in-law). Jews hid money in the lining of their clothes, they say. (oh, sure, wads and wads of rubels, marks, and other foreign currancy that was worthless over here). Uh huh, and I suppose they stuffed their brogans full of gold coins, too (which explains why so many of them walked funny, I presume?)
Nevertheless, such intellectually-myopic hordes are to be feared because they outnumber us. Worse, they have panderers like Falwell, LaHaye, and Robertson who, while they might not openly preach hatred (or suger-coat it if they do), endorse whole-heartedly the "kikes are gonna get it when Jaysus returns" approach to God's Justice. And not only us but gays, Buddhists, Muslims, etc., as well. God's going to need one humongous Fry-Daddy come Judgement Day, according to the Fundies, who can't wait. Considering that most of our Repubican elected officials court these Fundies for their votes, rely heavily on their contributions, and even share some of the same beliefs---I say we'd better arm ourselves. Because you just know what's going to happen when the "wrong" messiah shows up...

Capitalism=Homeland Security?

Our wonderful prez is all set to outsource a completely useless and cost-ineffective port authority with a private company. WoW! Isn't Capitalism great? No more paperwork, keeping track of all those ships. No more overtime pay for all the cops needed to police the docks and, best of all----no more unions! Just look at all the money we'll save. I mean, can this get any better or what?
Oh sure, Dubai is an arab nation and all that, but George knows they won't let in any terrorists. Besides, Dubai is an ally of ours, right? Just like Saudi Arabia, so of course we can trust them! I mean, it's Syria and Iran that are the bad guys now. Everybody knows the 9/11 terrorists all came from Iraq, and that's why we went after Saddam, y'know? And those ports will still be ours, even if the guys with the guns are foreigners, so, like, who cares! Our government wouldn't sell us out. No siree, the Republicans don't let minor considerations like bribes, etc. influence their decisions. If they're bought, they make sure it's an American company. And they're honest, too. Once they're bought they stay bought.
Hey, let's outsource everything! Y'know, like the military, the FBI, CIA---what the hell. It's money saved, isn't it? Our tax dollars! Like, we could even get big IRS refunds if this deal goes through. Well, yeah, I know that the rich will get theirs first, but it all trickles down eventually, right? So let's all give a big cheer to Dubya. Yippee, we're all gonna die!

Killer Cartoon

So, this is the terrible insult that Muslims are using as yet another excuse to riot/throw tantrums, scream "Death To Denmark!" in the streets, and generally act like radical college students in the 60's over. My, my, how quaint. Seems like only yesterday when we Boomers threw public tantrums about perceived injustices to our generation and threatened to invade Congress. Alas, we have "invaded" government---only to find we're no better at it than our parents. Sigh.
Yes, rioting and tantrums do feel good when you're downtrodden, but that kind of childish behavior doesn't change anything. Take it from an old hippie/Yippie/has-been, and stop this stupidity before you find yourself facing your own "Kent State", as it were. We thought we were invincible, too, but bullets don't respect character. We found that out the hard way. Sure, yell all you want, but be careful when you think to burn down buildings, behead people, that sort of thing, in God's name, because God isn't going to act as your "human shield". You risk getting peaceful Denmark angry, and angry people can strike back at Muslims, both innocent and guilty, as the American government struck back at us college radicals.
Besides, why should we respect your prophet when your newspapers show similar cartoons about our religions? Face it, as I've said before, God or Allah is a big boy, and he can smite "infidels", sinners, etc. without human help. Or don't you believe God is great? Be careful, he might not want to "get involved", y'know. Salami, salami, baloney, baloney....

If Life Sucks, Does That Mean Death Blows?

No, this is not a "trick" question. Got your attention, though, didn't it? Seriously, it often does seem that life sucks---as when receiving the wonderful opinion of a psychologist that your 22yr-old son will probably never mature enough to marry, let alone give you grandkids. Okay, it's not like I hadn't intuited that possibility before, but it sure hurts coming from an expert.
Needless to say, I've fought battles for schooling, etc. for years, and none of the experts has been proven right---yet. Ay, there's the rub. Not being morbid like Hamlet, however, helps. As with everything in Judaism, there's at least 3 sides to every problem. Hey, it gives more options, right? What's that Yiddish saying---"A good question is half the answer"? And that's the point; if the answer is bad, change the question! We all know how precise wording is essential to slanting those polls just the "right" way for enabling our government's predetermined solutions "democratically". You know, like Fox News---We Distort, You Comply? So, are the distorters liars, or only "deceived deceivers"? Don't ask me. I just write this stuff for fun.
Nevertheless, I'm disturbed by the swift judgements these experts are wont to hand down---often after only a perfunctory "interview" with the "client". I know that this particular expert will test him to see if these assumptions are true, but what of the others who won't? And what's truly worrying is the fact that I have to pay for these tests even though he's already a "client" in our community mental health services, which is supposed to test for free. What of those parents who haven't the money (God only knows how we manage to scrape up the money!) to avail themselves of private tests? Prozac Nation, here we come!
So, at this moment life sort of sucks for me, but I won't give up. If I'd listened to all those experts in the past, my son would be one of those drooling, drugged-up zombies wandering the streets, rather than a college student. Not that the experts didn't mean well, they just overly rely on the words of their fellow experts instead of testing for themselves. And yes, I know how expensive testing can be, and how strapped most community health programs are for funds. Still, it's my son, so what else can I do? Sadly, though, it's always someone else's child that's not our problem. Sigh. I'm as guilty as the rest. Divide And Conquer---pit the LD funding against the CP funding, so the parents of learning-disabled kids battle the parents of kids with cerebral palsy instead of banding together to demand funding across the entire health-related spectrum. For my son, the future looks brighter only because we can afford (so far) a "future" that's not routinely spit out by the "machine", so to speak. We all speak of the "Deux Ex Machine" (often translated as "ghost in the machine" but equally translatable as "god" as well) in cynical terms. For once, I'm hoping God is "in the machine".

OnToThe Next Disaster...

Finally got back to whatever's "normal" for me, as the urologist removed the stent this morning after the x-ray showed me clear of stone fragments. Couldn't believe how long that bugger was---at least 12 inches! One end started way up at the top of the left kidney and hung all the way down to the urethra (sic), where it was anchored by a nice little curl on that end. Yeah, real nice. It felt like I had a fishpole stuck up there, and every time I voided it felt as though I was hooked, too. Boy, nothing like having a plastic tube (green, mind you, and about the diameter of a pin worm) lodged "up mine", so to speak.
Having it pulled out was soooo much fun! No anethesia, just a dab of lidocane to deaden the pain (hah!) around the hole while the doctor inserted some kind of torture device (I kept my eyes shut) and slooooowly pulled all ten feet of that stent out. Okay, so it wasn't ten feet, but it sure felt like it! Then he playfully dangles the thing over my face and, as I'm not wearing my glasses, I nearly yell because it looks like he's pulled some green parasite out of me. Jeez! Good thing I don't mind snakes. And then he hands me a plastic gallon jug (empty) that I'm to fill with 24hrs worth of urine---so he can maybe figure out why I got a kidney stone---"No hurry", he says. Yeah, like I'm really gonna fill it right then.
At any rate, he said he'd be happy to keep treating me, since he has two kids in college and could use the income, which is only fair, I suppose. But now I can actually sit without using a rubber "doughnut", so it's worth it. (By the way, click the photo to see it larger.) I'm going sledding! Yippee!

It's Official! I'm Still Alive,If Full Of @#$%

Yep, I'm not-so-happily passing pumice from my erstwhile kidney stone---and those tiny pieces hurt like hell! Still, it's coming out, which is better than the alternative, I guess. What I should have mentioned last time, though, was where I got this cartoon. The website is great! You can pick from several poses of Bush, Kerry, Der Governator, etc., and put your own words in the balloon. The url is on the bottom of the cartoon. Try it.
In other news...Ariel Sharon's massive stroke will likely mean Netanyahu's rise and ,considering the accounts of Palestinians who openly celebrated this tragedy, I can't wait. If the Palestinians don't want peace (and their celebrations seem to say this) then continue the wall, I say. How many Isreali "suicide" bombers killed their innocents? How many Isreali children volunteered to become "martyrs"---with their proud parents standing behind them?! Sorry, but Isreal has no choice but to wall them off. Isreal has been the only partner in this sham "peace process" to actually offer real concessions, remember. Share Jerusalem? What, are you nuts? Are the muslims "sharing" Bethlehem, or Nazareth? Now that they pretty much drove out all the Christians from these places, do you honestly think Christians will ever be allowed to have power there again? Hah!
Let the Palestinians have Gaza and most of the West Bank (sans Jerusalem, of course). Complete the wall and leave them to stew in their own cesspool. They want peace, they can show it by acting responsibly. Until then, no more concessions.

2006-Same Old @#$%

Okay, so I'm crabby today. I admit it. But you wouldn't feel so charitable either if tomorrow you faced what is euphemistically referred to as "day surgery". Nothing serious, just a stupid kidney stone the size of a grapefruit (okay, a marble, but it's gonna hurt the same) that will be pulverized by lithotripsy (from litho-rock and I have no idea what "tripsy" comes from) because it's too big to pass. Seems Solomon was a bit too optomistic about that "gam zeh ye'avor" (this too shall pass) advice, I guess. Then again, maybe he never had a kidney stone, either.
Anyway, it's not the surgery---I'll be knocked out, thank God---but going home right after that I dread. Yeah, I know medicine has advanced and all that, but coming home feeling as though my left side was kicked by a mule certainly doesn't thrill me. Plus all that pulverized @#$% coming out when I urinate, which I have to catch in a strainer, no less, and keep in a speciman jar for the doctor visit later this month! I wanted a vacation, but this is not the kind of "trip" I envisioned, believe me. And Saturday I turn 57, too. Happy birthday to me. Well, at least if they don't get it all pulverized this time, they'll probably succeed next time. After all, the lithotripsy machine only comes to my hospital once a month.
Uh oh, gotta go---literally. That phospho-soda I had to take to clean me out is about to explode. Hope you have a nice day.